“You’re getting a puppy? That’s so exciting! It’s kind of like having a BAAAABBBBBBYYYYYY”, they said to me, while visions of a furry little puppy in a white bonnet listening attentively to my every command danced in my head.

You see, since I’ve never had a baby, I didn’t really know what that meant. For the record, I now know it is:

1. Round the clock attention needed at all times
2. A willingness to spring from the bed at ungodly hours
3. The ability to console myself with, “but she’s so CUUUUUUTE”

From what I hear, it IS kind of like having a baby!

And before you get me started on crate training, we’re working on it. She’s already managed to crap in her crate to the point where I just picked up everything in it and threw it all away. Trust me, it was past the point of recovery.

Don’t bother telling me that they’re supposed to LOVE their crates, and how your puppy CAN’T GET ENOUGH of the crate, and how they’re NOT SUPPOSED to poop in the crate. I told that to Acey. Clearly, listening is not her strong suit.

Since I now know that she will take any opportunity where I’m not watching her like a hawk to poop or pee on the most expensive thing she can find (My beautiful Jonathan Adler rug never had a chance. RIP), I have since found a miracle. From Jesus. Here it is:


It’s allowed me to take a shower for the first time in a week. Just kidding! I’ve taken two. (**no this is not her crate. her crate is small**)

The other day, I agreed to babysit Candice’s baby for a whole day. He’s 8.5 months old, and since everyone knows that babies and puppies are adorable together, I figured it’d be a breeze!

I was half right. The baby was an angel. The puppy was the devil.

Case in point:

Figure 1: I tried to amuse Acey with a toy while I played with Wyatt. To say there was little interest was an understatement. This is Acey’s, “You must be nuts, pushing me off on that ratty old toy. I saw a shoe of yours that would do just fine, thanks”


Figure 2: Acey decides to look mournful, as if my asking her to play on her own for a few minutes was unbearably sad:


Figure 3: Acey decides to spend the rest of the morning looking injured, looking at Wyatt with evil plans, destroying a pair of shoes, a towel, and several harmless headbands that had the misfortune of being in the blue bag you can see in the background.

This is Wyatt’s reaction to the stream of obscenities I launched in Acey’s direction. At least he’s too young to be scarred by it:


In case you didn’t know, puppies are a lot of work.

My life will never be the same. And I have to say, I wouldn’t want it to be. Because seriously, she’s so dang CUUUUUTE!