I have a 12 DVD boxed set of horror films in my living room. It has been here for two days, since I borrowed it from Gabriel. Apparently, he found it difficult to sleep with it even existing in his home, it is that terrifying. You will be scared when you see it too, this is what it looks like:


(I was just kidding about the first part. Gabriel can’t sleep because his wife Carlie recently gave birth to their first son).

As you can see there are two extremely fit evil zombies gracing the cover. The man appears to have something dangling from his left arm, I’m sure it is a device meant for extreme torture. The female zombie in the background is clearly staring me down with a steely death-gaze, as if she can shoot icy lasers at me from her two dimensional cardboard lair.

None of this is in my imagination.

I have tried to remove this DVD set from my home. I tried with all my might:


But it is too big and heavy–obviously it is not going anywhere. I would totally be watching and participating in watching the DVD’s if they were not 15 feet high and weighing about 500 pounds each. You should have seen the size of the truck that I rented to get it from Gabriel’s house to mine.

However, as scary as the DVD’s are to me, I need them. While I was resisting the urge to trim a few extra inches from my ass as I photoshopped myself out of another picture, I was reminded yet again of this fact.

So we begin.

Updates to follow.