Blogstories--Shoshi + Faivel's Anniversary


Today I wanted to start a new trend on my blog, hearing from my couples one year later! I've asked a couple of brides from last year to answer a few questions for me: What is the best and worst thing about marriage, and do you have advice for new brides? I also asked them to tell me their favorite things, hard things, and anything else they might have thoughts on!

Today is July 17th, Shoshi & Faivel's anniversary. Shoshi and Faivel are an Orthodox Jewish couple, and I have really enjoyed learning more about this culture from Shoshi. She is highly intelligent and has given me a lot of insight as to what goes into a marriage. Although we come from very different worlds, she has also become a friend, and I wish this couple a very happy anniversary! You can see Shoshi & Faivel's original blog entry here.

**if I shot your wedding and your anniversary is coming up in the next couple of months, write in and give some advice for this years' bride!**

Here's what Shoshi has to say:

My favorite thing about marraige is:
 
That wonderful quiet feeling, when you just hold hands and yet you know that this person has completely committed himself,body, heart, and soul to you and is going to love and cherish you forever, no matter what, for no particular reason, just because....just because your you.
 
The hardest thing about marraige is:
 
The fighting.  You get mad and get so caught up in being right or hurt or whatever you go right into the usual pattern of arguing or the silent treatment or whatever.  But then, it hurts to be mad at each other, not to have the closeness and affection and all you want is to make up and get a good hug but you feel like you are still right and he/ she has to apologize first.  It truly sucks, and while the other person does have to understand your point of view and respect your feelings, I honestly recommend stepping back and reevaluating just how much the source of this fight really means to you because often it's just better to let go.
 
My tip to other newlyweds:
 
Learn how to speak a new language.  Men and women speak different languages( and I don't mean English and Spanish), and in marraige more than any other time, each person MUST learn to speak and understand the other persons "language".  If you can accomplish this, then you can come to understand what they really mean and why they are doing or saying what they're are doing or saying.  This alone will eliminate many arguments and alleviate much heartache, as you will soon see you actually see eye to eye on a lot more than you realized you were just looking at the picture from different angles.
 
And if you do get into a fight try to step back and take a minute to really reconsider just what the fight is REALLY about.  Often we get upset because our spouse does something "to us" that gets us so mad because its irresponsible or inconsiderate, but in truth what we're truly upset about is the fact that we took their actions personally and feel they don't care about us.  Often, once you realize this, you can step back and realize what they did had nothing to do with us, and also, if we quietly tell them we felt by their actions they didn't care, instead of yelling at them for whatever they supposedly did wrong, they will usually apologize and explain what they were thinking and how they never meant to hurt your feelings.  Problem solved, and no one has to sleep on the couch.

jessica claire, orthodox jewish wedding in los angeles

Posted: Mon - July 17, 2006 at 10:04 PM          

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