I've been having some thoughts about parenthood lately. Maybe it's being married and I know that it's probably the next step, or maybe it's that many of my close friends have had kids this past year or two and watching them transform into parents has been a completely amazing experience, but it's definitely on my mind.
It just seems like so much responsibility!! The complete, 100% putting your own goals, desires, and impulses on hold for another person--when I think of it, I'm overwhelmed by the magnitude of its implications on my life.
So we decided to get a dog as a preliminary trial to see if we'd be cut out for kids. Strike that--Jeff totally is. To see if I would be cut out for it. Kind of like some people get a plant before they get a dog. My plants never survive, by the way.
This wasn't a decision we entered into lightly, in fact, we waited, ironically, almost nine months before we were able to bring her home, a squirmy little three month old puppy. Instantly, our lives changed (and so did our Vegas plans for that weekend). Since then, pretty much every decision we make now has another factor to it, another life we need to consider before we plan our travel, our outings, and our schedules.
Last week, if you follow my FACEBOOK or TWITTER, you might have seen that Acey was sick. Like, wouldn't pick up her head to look at me, puking and pooping, really really scary SICK. Jeff was gone all week at a workshop up north of LA, so it was on me to take care of her. I was, no joke, freaking out. I probably called the vet ten times, took her there three times, called our breeder, our friends, and someone I barely know COMPLETELY panicked.
I felt so helpless! I couldn't make her happy! I couldn't make her eat! She wasn't going to make it through the night!
I made Jeff come home from his workshop one of those nights--she perked up as soon as she saw him. He's reassuring like that.
She made a full recovery, and I managed to give her the pills the doctor sent home with me and get some food into her. I felt like a queen! (it was just a puppy flu, the doctor said).
Some people just have that natural instinct about how to be parents--they're built for it, and they know it. I think Jeff is one of those people. Just look at this Saturday morning at my house (how did I get this lucky??):
But you know what? I made it! I took care of her, I cleaned up puke even though I find it repulsive and the mere thought of it makes me want to heave, and I loved her back to health (well, that and the pills).
Maybe someday, when the day comes, I won't be so bad at parenthood either :)